DEAR OPTIMUS: Last night my wife and I went to a movie. A man in our row was talking, so I “shushed” him, but he continued to talk, ruining the movie for us. What is the best way to handle someone talking during a movie? Thanks! — JIM IN OVERLAND PARK, KAN.

Dear Wimp:
Shushing? You’re an even bigger wimp than Optimus. The best way to handle a movie talker is to transform into a gun and shoot the offending human in the skull. That will shut him up leaving you to enjoy whatever Hillary Duff movie your overbearing wife dragged you to go see.
Megatron.