DEAR MEGATRON: I have a friend, “Craig,” whom I have known almost a year. We have become closer than friends in a lot of ways — except the one way that counts, if you know what I mean. Craig likes to tease me about sex, but says it will never happen because he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship. Do you think it’s fair for him to arouse me and then just run out the door? Craig says he doesn’t want me, but when I go out on dates with other people he gets mad. How should I handle this? — IRRITATED IN GEORGIA

Dear Must Have An Ugly Face:
Take your shirt off. He’ll sleep with you then. Just don’t expect a phone call the next morning. Or ever again. And your mom will probably wonder why you can’t look your stepbrother in the eye at breakfast.
Megatron.