DEAR MEGATRON: I have been married for seven years. I was looking for a document on my computer recently and found some pornography my husband had downloaded. What was most shocking was that he had done some computer artwork on some of it, and superimposed my 15-year-old niece’s face onto the girl in the picture. I then went through my husband’s things and found a tape from our camcorder. He had hidden it in our bedroom and tried to videotape me after I had gotten out of the shower. I was not surprised. I had caught him trying to tape us having sex without my knowing last year. Is my husband a pervert with a serious problem? Please help me. I just don’t know what to do. — GROSSED OUT IN GREAT FALLS

Dear Prude:
If you’re going to make videotapes — BE CAREFUL. I was hooking up with this awesome stripper and was so high on energon, I forgot that Soundwave was recording the whole scene. I was so startled when he transformed that I…well, let’s just say once you get blood in your gaskets, they never work the same way again.
Megatron.