DEAR MEGATRON: I am a gay man who has been with my partner for 31 years. I have a female friend, “Josie,” whom I have known for years. She holds an executive position in the local bank and must attend many fund-raisers. I have been her escort to many of them. Josie knows and likes my partner, and he has never had a problem with my going to these social events with her.

Recently Josie became engaged, and she is now married. I was invited to the wedding, but my partner was not included on the invitation. I chose not to attend because of it. I have not heard from her since. It has been almost four months.

Josie’s husband is a retired military man. I suspect she would rather not let him know about having a gay male couple as friends. Should I confront her or just end the friendship? — DON’T ASK OR TELL IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR I DIDN”T ASK:
Did you ever consider the fact Josie’s husband isn’t just some homophobic bigot with a chip on his shoulder, but instead he is an evil robot sent from the future to kill her before she can give birth to the savior or mankind? You probably didn’t, because that movie was totally gay. Now if that future robot had had the ability to turn into a physics-defying handgun…that would’ve been something. Call my agent, fellas - he’s listed.

Anyway, I say you treat him like Christian Bale treats a lighting technician: show up unannounced at one of their fundraisers and blow him up with a grenade then shove him in a steel press, or drop him in a pool of molten steel, or do whatever stupid thing they did in Terminator 3. Even better, zip him into a sleeping bag with Christian Bale. That’ll show that robot son of a bitch.

Love,
Megatron

See Optimus Prime’s Answer
See Dear Abby’s Answer